Supreme Court of India has yet again proved how biased and judgemental the society of world’s second largest economy is towards women. According to the recent judgement passed by the court, a man was granted divorce because his wife did not want to live with the in-laws.
For the ‘non-indian’ readers, this is how Hindu marriages are supposed to work:
A girl is brought up by her parents, showered with love & affection, is given good education along with the age old values and inherited traditions. Then comes the marriage and off she goes to her new home from where death is the only expected respectable exit! What can and might happen in between, nobody cares!!
There is absolutely nothing wrong in the way commitment and sacrifices are inculcated in our culture. In fact, that makes it so very different from the western world! But, let’s be brave enough to accept the fact that culture, values and traditions demand changes, like everything else in the world!
My motive is not to disregard or disrespect any such thing. But as an average Indian woman, who is decently educated and quite independent, there are things that baffle me and make me think, a lot!
Why do we need any laws to enforce us to like or love someone? To live or not to live with someone who we adopt as part of the ceremony we call marriage! Leave aside marriage or any kind of commitment for that matter, if someone treats me well, why would I not be nice in return, unless I am a heartless , crazily self centered person! It really is that simple, ain’t it?
Why do we need code-of-conduct only for a woman? Why is there a rule book only for a woman? Did some gang of women commit hideous crimes against their in-laws and from there on such rules were written? On a lighter note, stories of crimes against women are not uncommon! But let’s not get distracted. Indian marriages, most of them, are bound by shackles of so many expectations and rules that we forget to breathe and realise we just need to be human and ourselves..nothing more, nothing less!
Why do we talk of equal rights and flaunt the ideas of feminism if suppressing a woman’s rights and male chauvinism is something we take pride in! Anyone can be good, anyone can be bad – bride, groom or either side’s parents! Do we need to blame someone, be it a man or a woman, even before the crime is committed?? Are we really so irrational?
Why do we have to pretend to be someone we are not? Why does a daughter-in-law have to be like a daughter? Why can’t a mum-in-law be just what she is? My mum can say anything to me and I will love her the same and vice-a-versa. She is my mum and she will be the only mum I’ll ever have! But that doesn’t make me incapable of respecting or even loving someone else’s mum! And the same goes true for the mum-in-law. Her own daughter will always have the luxury of behaving in a certain way, denied to the daughter-in-law, of course.
Why is it a notion that living with in-laws under the same roof gives a woman the trophy of being a good daughter-in-law? There can be umpteen number of reasons for not doing so but still doing the right thing when required. Some people can never fulfill each others’ expectations, but does that mean they can’t even be civilly normal? It’s not impossible, just needs some efforts and ignoring the monster of ego every now and then!
No educated woman is insane or has time/energy to destroy the peace of her own home, provided she has some form of commitment towards her marriage or attachment towards her spouse! I fail to understand why we need courts and law to interfere in such personal things of our lives!!
P.S. It was not supposed to be a ‘male bashing’ or ‘anti in-laws’ post! Wanted to write it as a poem and add to my amateur poetic journey but words just kept flowing and it was just too far from being a poem, maybe next time 🙂