Tags
Breakups, divorce, Inspiration, Life, Love, Marriage, Random, relations, Relationships, Social
Life is short.. so short. Still, it throws random million things at you. It indeed is full of surprises and not all surprises are pleasant. Some are ugly, very ugly. Sometimes it makes you go through things you had not imagined in wildest of your thoughts. After two full years (or was it more than two?? I wonder , Phew!!) of strange ambiguous feelings, I got officially divorced yesterday. Even writing this triggers eerie emotions. But it’s all over now and is not that bad. It’s an ending, a painful one and a beginning, a hopeful one!
Why did it happen?? It really doesn’t matter. Now that its over, I believe it was destined to happen. Period.
Did it hurt? Of Course it did. It hurt heaps more than I could ever express, cry or talk about. It hurt not only because it happened but also due to the way it happened. But it doesn’t hurt that much now, truly.
Has it changed anything in me?? Absolutely. In tons of ways. The way I perceive people, situations, emotions, what they say/express or NOT say… almost everything seems different. My perception has changed, widened. There are changes in me which can’t be expressed in words. Doesn’t matter if I am a better person or not, but I am definitely more brave, mature and strong! All Good!
Was I judged?? I was extremely fortunate. Coming from a society where divorce is a taboo and everything IS ‘ girl’s fault’, I always had support in terms of friends , family and colleagues. I am blessed with some amazing people around me. They stood by me, listened to my rants, advised me, encouraged me, scolded me, cried with me, saw my tears behind all those fake smiles and laughters. But, NEVER judged me! I got to know who are my real friends when I was in need.
Will I ever be happy again? I hope to be and believe so as well. I think I have had enough of shit life had to offer to me. And no matter what happens, it’s never going to be as miserable as it has been lately! That itself is such a relief!
How did I go through it all?
FAMILY: I have got the bestest family. Amazing parents and an angel as my sister. If I could make one wish ever, I would like to have them in all my lives J
FRIENDS: My support system. India, Melbourne, work, outside work, Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, chats, fone calls. They were everywhere. Some talked and talked and talked. Few were always at loss of words but still there for me. Can never thank you enough guys!!
Counsellers: Sometimes, talking to neutral people who don’t know you at all helps a lot. I did few things I consider extraordinary only because of such people.
Pain: Pain is a great motivator, it really is. I learnt to find joy in strange things, even loneliness. When I think about those things, I feel proud of myself!
Keeping myself busy: I did hell lot of things to keep myself busy.. work, reading , writing, meeting new people, learning new things.
Is there anything I could have done to avoid it? I honestly don’t think so! If it hadn’t happened now, it would be unavoidable two years down the road. So the sooner, the better. Actually glad that it happened, will be better as time passes!
How do I feel now? Strange. Relieved. Free. But the most apt word is ‘BETTER’, better in every possible way! More importantly… No regrets, no grudges.
Will I be myself ever again? Of Course, I am on my way to myself. And from now on, I have a ‘NO VACANCY’ board for people who wish to change me to like/love me. I am ready to give back a lot (maybe more) if I get something from you. Else, excuse me!
What did I learn from it?
- If you are not happy, you can never keep anyone else happy.
- Everything is easy when you accept it yourself without any pressure or convincing from others.
- People can cry with you, listen to you and whatever but when it comes to bearing and overcoming the pain, you are on your own. ALWAYS.
- Money is not GOD and it cannot buy everything, but it surely can buy/modify hell lot of things which really are important. Lot of things depend on it and revolve around it.
- There’s no point trying to make things work after a certain point. But you need to try your best till you exhaust all the possible options. One needs to realize when to exactly let go.
- Being good or bad does not depend on age, relation, sex, cultural/ethical background or anything at all. Anyone can be good, anyone can be bad. There are no laws for such things.
- Never love anyone to an extent that it makes you ignore everything else like yourself and your esteem. In fact, there are so many things which are mistakenly believed to be love… need, social obligation, fear, physical attraction or just getting used to someone! There is hardly any love .. or was there ever any??
- Don’t judge anyone. You can never , ever feel what someone else feels, no matter how close you are to that person.
- You are never alone. There are people who are as happy as you are, as miserable as you are and lots who are much better than you. So don’t wonder why did it happen to you only!!
- Every ending is a beginning unless you don’t wish it to be!
Lots of courage , strength and good wishes to those who are/ have been going through breakups!
Priyanka Kaushik said:
Girl! you have got guts. I really admire you and i am sure life will shower you with the most pleasant surprises in your life down the line.
God bless you.
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much Priyanka 🙂
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dr sweetyshinde said:
You are a brave woman. I’m so glad you feel liberated and hopeful. Kudos.
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much !!
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rakesh said:
Amazingly written by you . I never thought even in dream that someone can write this. I am really proud that I have got a brave and beautiful sister whose thoughts are not comparable to anyone. I salute your courage and positive thinking.
with best wishes and lot of love
rakesh jaroli
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much Bhaiyya 🙂
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Satyanarayan Mishra said:
Bless you, pray for you too …. May god bless you every thing … 🙂
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much Sir!!
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tcagley said:
Impressively written!
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rumadak said:
Thanks Thomas!!
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monideepa said:
Very well expressed and written di. Very inspiring for those going through similar situations. Every Ending is indeed a beginning. Few people have the courage to voice their opinion against hypocrisy in our society. God definitely has better plans for great people like you. Respect for you to look at it as a lesson and see the bigger picture. May you always be happy and best of luck on the new beginning. Looking forward to read more of you, and may you keep pursuing your interests and be among the happiest.
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rumadak said:
Thanks so much Monideepa!!
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suchitavipin said:
Hey, we haven’t spoken since school… came back in touch through FB.. and I was always amazed by your posts and instagrams …with your energy.. with your versatility…. and the horizon of subjects of your social interactions… And never for a second could guess what you had been going thru all this time… But today… I only respect you… in a situation like this… first thing one does is cut the connection with the world.But believe me…u have taught me a lesson. Showed me the real strength of a woman, of a person. A lot of blessings and love…I think strength… we dont need to give it to you… You are the IronLady. Bless You!
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much for the amazing comment Suchita!! One should never stop communicating, whatever the circumstances are..I believe that kept me sane. I had my own low times and was quite miserable. I get surprised when I think about it but all good now and I am sure it’s only going to be better!!
Ironlady… Loved it 🙂
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nehadak said:
Sorry to correct u suchita……she is a diamond….
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Lisa said:
Ruma, I wish you all the best and I’m sad to hear that you’ve had to go through so much. But it sounds like you reached the ending that you needed and are ready to start a new chapter. I wish you much happiness as you move forward with your life!
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much Lisa!!
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Madhavi said:
Very well written a Ruma. I see your strength and courage and what a strong person you are. Hope this time passes by fast and I am sure you will feel better and move on to much more that life has to offer.
Well, you have another friend and supporter here on your WP blog. Keep your posts coming !
Wishing you best !
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much Madhavi! Much appreciated 🙂
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Avya said:
I have seen people crying,blaming,disheartening,misleading,
yelling Y me??
But u came up
smiling:)(becoz u know, that sad look of ur makes ur dear n near ones sad😌)
accepting( truth..”honaa hi thaa Jo Hua hai..es baat ko jaane bhi do..😘)
fighting( fear,emotions,work,relations…)
believing(not all r bad😐)
and most important LEARNING !!!
In my way…
” mene tutatyy hazaar rishtoo ko dekha h,
Tutne pe bikhrty hazaar logo ko dekha h,
wakt se pehle haar maanty dekha h, khwaishoo ko gala goot te dekhaa h,
Lekin halaato ko apnaaty unmein gul jaaty pehli baar dekha h,
khuda ki nawazi “zindagi ae najir” ko kisiko pehli baar khulkar jeete dekha h!!!
Proud of u 😘
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much Avya!! Though you are ten years younger than me, you have been such an amazing friend, confidante and always cheered me up!! Blessed to have a cousin like you!!
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Garima said:
Cheers to new beginnings Ruma! Time heals everything! 🙂
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much Garima!!
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swati said:
Ruma di, I always considered you as one of the softest person I would have ever met. Such ardent follower you were of your values and ethics. I can imagine how much courage you would have gathered to make a decision and stand by it. As Deepika rightly said, never to look back as God has better plans for you – Even I would say the same, You have moved on and that too so so bravely. Just explore your passions and live like never before.
Your post left me speechless Ruma di.. N Deepika, you made me emotional. As frenz in college, I remember all of us – Ruma di, Dipika, Manisha n I have been the bubbliest of friends together. Yet each one of us were serious and matured. We knew the difference between what is right and what we want. Having always followed this rule, we landed up in various situations in later part of our lives… Like Ruma di’s marital issues, complications in my life. I am sure Dipika and Manisha would have also struggled somewhere, sometime!!
But in all this, one thing I find common – we never stopped loving each other what so ever has happened in our lives. Nor we ever judged each other depending on the prevailing conditions. Thats what friendship is all about. Probably this is the purest form of relationship i would say. Never knew we would come so far together even after 7 years of college. And there is no change at all!!
I really hope and wish that in the second innings of your life Ruma di, you get wonderful people who would love you for what you are. And we are all here together to step with you in your new beginning!!! Cheers together with six shots of tequilla… 😉 🙂 I am sure with this our long awaited wish too gets fulfilled…
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rumadak said:
Awww…Swati..thank you so much. Yes, friendship is one of the best relations ever and I truly cherish friends like you!!
Thanks for all those times we spent laughing and giggling together..that reminds me of what I was!! We will all be fine sweetz 🙂
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Deepika Jamwal said:
Knowing u as a person, infact being a close friend of urs.. made me emotional going through ur blog..but at the same time, made me proud that u took this bold step of divorce.. I know what all u’ve gone through..I mean if not everything but atleast 10% of wt u’ve experienced based on wt u’ve shared with me.. I know how much efforts u had put in to save ur marriage n I truly believe that there is no point of going beyond a certain limit..just to have a namesake relation for our orthodox society. I remember the days when u would simply break down in the middle of our conversation because of the trauma u were going through.. n then how gradually n bravely u accepted the reality n took everything head on as it came..I must really appreciate ur courage n determination with which u faced that rough tide of ur life n emerged as a much stronger..n far more mature individual.. everything happens for a reason n I truly believe God has much better plans for u.. just keep believing in urself n never look back.. just take all that shit as a learning experience n am sure u will surely get what u really deserve in life.. jus stay strong n stay happy.. luv u loads hamari hostel suji halwa expert 😉 :*
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rumadak said:
Thanks heaps Jammu!! You are probably the only person who has seen the very ‘lively’ version of me and the married version. Appreciate all your support n care throughout :). Love you loads 🙂
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theonlysup said:
Ruma. This came as a shock. Now that u have taken a tough decision its time to look forward . yeah I understand how difficult it was for u. But I wish u courage , happiness for ur future. Stay strong
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rumadak said:
Thank you so much!! Yeah.. I have shocked so many people with this news since sometime, for people who knew me couldn’t believe it to be true!
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