Life is short.. so short. Still, it throws random million things at you. It indeed is full of surprises and not all surprises are pleasant. Some are ugly, very ugly. Sometimes it makes you go through things you had not imagined in wildest of your thoughts. After two full years (or was it more than two?? I wonder , Phew!!) of strange ambiguous feelings, I got officially divorced yesterday. Even writing this triggers eerie emotions. But it’s all over now and is not that bad. It’s an ending, a painful one and a beginning, a hopeful one!
Why did it happen?? It really doesn’t matter. Now that its over, I believe it was destined to happen. Period.
Did it hurt? Of Course it did. It hurt heaps more than I could ever express, cry or talk about. It hurt not only because it happened but also due to the way it happened. But it doesn’t hurt that much now, truly.
Has it changed anything in me?? Absolutely. In tons of ways. The way I perceive people, situations, emotions, what they say/express or NOT say… almost everything seems different. My perception has changed, widened. There are changes in me which can’t be expressed in words. Doesn’t matter if I am a better person or not, but I am definitely more brave, mature and strong! All Good!
Was I judged?? I was extremely fortunate. Coming from a society where divorce is a taboo and everything IS ‘ girl’s fault’, I always had support in terms of friends , family and colleagues. I am blessed with some amazing people around me. They stood by me, listened to my rants, advised me, encouraged me, scolded me, cried with me, saw my tears behind all those fake smiles and laughters. But, NEVER judged me! I got to know who are my real friends when I was in need.
Will I ever be happy again? I hope to be and believe so as well. I think I have had enough of shit life had to offer to me. And no matter what happens, it’s never going to be as miserable as it has been lately! That itself is such a relief!
How did I go through it all?
FAMILY: I have got the bestest family. Amazing parents and an angel as my sister. If I could make one wish ever, I would like to have them in all my lives J
FRIENDS: My support system. India, Melbourne, work, outside work, Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp, chats, fone calls. They were everywhere. Some talked and talked and talked. Few were always at loss of words but still there for me. Can never thank you enough guys!!
Counsellers: Sometimes, talking to neutral people who don’t know you at all helps a lot. I did few things I consider extraordinary only because of such people.
Pain: Pain is a great motivator, it really is. I learnt to find joy in strange things, even loneliness. When I think about those things, I feel proud of myself!
Keeping myself busy: I did hell lot of things to keep myself busy.. work, reading , writing, meeting new people, learning new things.
Is there anything I could have done to avoid it? I honestly don’t think so! If it hadn’t happened now, it would be unavoidable two years down the road. So the sooner, the better. Actually glad that it happened, will be better as time passes!
How do I feel now? Strange. Relieved. Free. But the most apt word is ‘BETTER’, better in every possible way! More importantly… No regrets, no grudges.
Will I be myself ever again? Of Course, I am on my way to myself. And from now on, I have a ‘NO VACANCY’ board for people who wish to change me to like/love me. I am ready to give back a lot (maybe more) if I get something from you. Else, excuse me!
What did I learn from it?
- If you are not happy, you can never keep anyone else happy.
- Everything is easy when you accept it yourself without any pressure or convincing from others.
- People can cry with you, listen to you and whatever but when it comes to bearing and overcoming the pain, you are on your own. ALWAYS.
- Money is not GOD and it cannot buy everything, but it surely can buy/modify hell lot of things which really are important. Lot of things depend on it and revolve around it.
- There’s no point trying to make things work after a certain point. But you need to try your best till you exhaust all the possible options. One needs to realize when to exactly let go.
- Being good or bad does not depend on age, relation, sex, cultural/ethical background or anything at all. Anyone can be good, anyone can be bad. There are no laws for such things.
- Never love anyone to an extent that it makes you ignore everything else like yourself and your esteem. In fact, there are so many things which are mistakenly believed to be love… need, social obligation, fear, physical attraction or just getting used to someone! There is hardly any love .. or was there ever any??
- Don’t judge anyone. You can never , ever feel what someone else feels, no matter how close you are to that person.
- You are never alone. There are people who are as happy as you are, as miserable as you are and lots who are much better than you. So don’t wonder why did it happen to you only!!
- Every ending is a beginning unless you don’t wish it to be!
Lots of courage , strength and good wishes to those who are/ have been going through breakups!